What's got Daphne all worked up now?
It wasn't Daphne.
It was Maris.
She's gotten involved with some Argentine polo player.
Turns out he's a gold digger with a violent temper to boot.
- Dr. Crane? - Yes.
I'm Esteban de Rojo.
I tell you Maris will never come between us again.
News headlines:
Police have just arrested Seattle socialite Maris Crane
for the murder of her lover,
Argentine polo star Esteban de Rojo...
- Ah, come in. - Niles.
- What have you heard? - Uh, not much.
The TV news is pretty sketchy. Dad, did you find anything out?
I called some buddies, they'll call back when they know something.
It's just so freaky. I can't believe that man is dead.
He was standing right where you are just a few hours ago.
- How you holding up, son? - As well as can be expected.
I meant your brother.
Oh, uh, well, I'm stunned of course.
The idea that Maris actually killed someone...
Well, we've all seen her murder many a lively dinner party. Ha-ha-ha.
- That's terrible. - Frasier...
Come on, I'm joking.
Haven't I earned a right to my humour?
After all, are you forgetting that this afternoon
I was punched in the face by a man now dead?
Thank you.
- Here, drink this. - Oh, thanks.
Hello.
This is he.
Yes, of course.
Uh, I'll be there shortly.
It's the police. Ahem.
They want to talk to me.
My God, why? They don't suspect you of anything, do they?
I don't think they could. They couldn't. Could they, Dad?
Calm down. You had lunch with her today.
They wanna know what you talked about.
What'd we talk about? Uh, let me see, well...
We discussed the upcoming Women's Arts Festival
and their tableau vivant.
They're going to be re-enacting Schmitt's painting
of the Martyrdom of Saint Ursula by Attila the Hun.
Naturally, Maris will pose as the Hun.
Tad Germanic for my taste.
But nonetheless I told her I'd help out by lending her my antique crossbow
to help complete the tragic scene on the Rhone.
Of course, talk of the Rhone inevitably led to that wonderful anecdote
about the Nazarene painters of Wittelsbach Palace.
Those beer-loving rascals. Tell it, Niles.
- Well... - No!
What did she say about the polo guy?
Well, I told you she mentioned she felt unsafe around him.
And that she thought he only wanted her for her money.
- I urged to end the relationship. - Well, that's pretty tame stuff.
Take more than a little lunch to tie you into a murder.
Oh, dear.
Niles, they're in front of Maris' house now.
There's been a startling development
in the society murder case. Sources say alleged murderer, Maris Crane,
killed her polo-playing lover, Esteban de Rojo,
with an antique crossbow.
- You gave her the murder weapon. - No.
Hello.
- It's a reporter. - I'm not here.
I'm sorry, he's not here, and I don't know when he's coming back.
I'd rather not say.
Oh, thank you. Manchester, actually.
- Hang up. - Goodbye.
I don't believe this.
It's an unlisted number.
They must think I'm involved.
They're actually trying to imply that...
No, no, no, I'm not gonna panic. The only way to get through this
- is to remain calm. - Right.
Now, let's go on down to the station and get this all sorted out.
- I'm coming too. - No.
You have to rest up for our doctor's appointment tomorrow morning.
I'll stay with Daphne.
Don't worry. Everything is going to be fine.
That's gonna go on all night. Wanna just stay at my place?
Thanks, but if I let them drive me out of my own home,
then they've won.
Allow me.
Hello?
I see.
Yes, I'll tell her.
Your mother heard the news. She's on her way.
I'll pack a bag. You get the car.
- Well, we survived. The kid held up. - What took you all night?
Oh, it was a lot of waiting.
- Let me take that. - Thank you.
Fortunately, we found a nice, cold metal bench
between two drunk bikers, and a pimp who called me "Peaches."
The interesting thing happened when we were leaving.
We ran into Maris' lawyer on the way out.
And he told us the whole story.
Apparently, Maris and Esteban had a fight
and Maris kicked him out.
She was trying to calm herself by practising her tableau-vivant pose
with the crossbow.
Which, she needs all the practise she can get, she has weak triceps.
Well...
All of a sudden, Esteban burst back in
through the balcony window.
Maris was startled to death
and pulled the trigger in self-defense.
He was dead before he hit the parquet.
So where is she now?
- They're holding her as a flight risk. - Can you imagine?
It didn't help that when they found her, she had a passport, a wig
and $10,000 in her purse.
Maris always has those things in her purse.
Well, you've got to admit, Niles, it doesn't look very good.
I can't believe she could've planned this.
You do learn about a woman
when you've slept in the room next to hers for 15 years.
Oh, that must be the paper.
So she just happened to be posing with a loaded crossbow
at the exact moment he burst in on her?
And don't you just know the prosecutor's gonna try
to twist that into something sinister?
Oh, dear.
- It's on the front page. - They don't mention Niles, do they?
Let me see. Uh, yeah, here we are, yes:
"Maris Crane is believed to have gotten the crossbow"
from her ex-husband, Dr. Niles Crane,
"with whom she lunched on the day of the murder."
Is that you and Maris on your honeymoon?
Uh, that is the Experimental Liposuction Centre in Gstaad.
So, yes.
"According to sources, Crane divorced the accused years ago
to marry her plastic surgeon, whom he left in order to marry... ".
Oh, dear.
"To marry Daphne Moon, a housekeeper."
Oh, that's just lovely.
Now, now, now, the press is notorious for getting things wrong.
Yes, heh, Niles is right.
For example, look, further along here it says, ha, ha:
"Dr. Crane is the brother of local DJ Frazer," with a Z, "Crane."
You just have to laugh these things off.
Well, I can't laugh. That horrible woman has managed
- to slither her way back into our lives. - No, she is not back in our life.
This whole thing is going to blow over in no time.
How can you be so calm?
In situations such as this there are two ways to react.
Either you go to pieces, or you stay calm.
- And I have chosen to do the latter. - Bravo, Niles. That's very healthy.
Well, you ought to go home, son, get some sleep.
- You've had a long night. - That is a good idea.
- I'll call you later. - All right. Thank you.
Oh, we have your doctor's appointment this morning.
Don't worry. You don't have to come.
Oh, and miss hearing my baby's heartbeat? I don't think so.
Besides, I'll be fine.
Plenty of time to sleep after the baby's born.
Niles, how are you holding up?
Apart from the lack of sleep, I'm all right.
Although, now that it's in the news that I provided the crossbow,
I can't go anywhere without people whispering and pointing.
Excuse me.
Hello.
Hello, Maris.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Yes, that's awful.
I'll do what I can. All right.
Oh, that was Maris.
Poor thing lost her shoes.
She put them outside her cell to be polished,
and someone named Big Judy is holding them for ransom.
Well, I... How often does she call you?
Uh, more often than you'd think she could, being in jail.
Hasn't she made your life hard enough?
I can't turn my back on her now, Roz.
She's literally fighting for her life.
Oh, wonderful. Ha, ha. More news vans.
- Maybe it's time I made a statement. - Absolutely not, Niles.
That is the worst possible thing you could do.
It would only fan the flames. I tell you what,
why don't you slip out the back way, and I will talk to them for you.
- Oh, that's... There's no need, Frasier. - No, Niles, I insist.
I'm used to these media jackals.
You have no idea how they can twist your words with editing and such.
- All right, off you go. - Thank you, Frasier.
Is Niles Crane in here?
He is not. I will be speaking on his behalf.
Gentlemen, you may roll tape.
Good afternoon, Seattle, this is Dr. Frasier Crane,
spokesman for the Crane family.
Recent events involving my brother, Niles Crane, and his ex-wife
are tragic.
Almost as tragic as the rampant media speculation
concerning his involvement.
If there is any justice in the world,
Maris Crane and Niles Crane will soon be executed.
Thank you. That is all I have to say.
I did no such thing. I did? I did?
Excuse me, excuse me. Please, come back.
Maris Crane and Niles Crane
will soon be executed.
That's four times in one newscast. Must be some kind of record.
They know I meant "exonerated."
Oh, Daphne, Niles, listen.
I'm so sorry about today's little gaffe.
I just... You know what I meant.
Don't worry. Anyone can make a little slip.
We know you were only trying to ruin our lives.
Oh, I mean help.
- Niles, once again, I'm so sorry... - Frasier, please.
It's all right. I should've talked to them myself.
Um, I hope it'll be all right if we stay with you for a while.
Why? What happened?
Well, since Frasier's press conference
the media frenzy has only increased.
It's a nuisance for our neighbours. TV crews and news helicopters.
Plus the entire press corps
from Esteban's hometown in Argentina.
Last night some cheeky bloke from the Buenos Aires Herald
climbed a tree and took a picture of old Mrs. Gottschalk in her sitz bath.
Apparently the readership of the Herald is mostly lonely gauchos.
You know, Niles,
your good cheer in spite of everything is just remarkable.
I've chosen not to let it get to me, and it hasn't.
Of course, much of the credit goes to my Daphne.
I'm so truly blessed
to have such a loving and supportive wife.
She is at once my huggle-bunny and my rock.
I think I might throw up.
- Huggle-bunny was a bit much. - No, no, my stomach, it's upset.
- Well, can I get you something? - Oh, thank you, Frasier.
I wouldn't mind ten years in prison.
Oh, I meant crackers.
Well, I guess I deserve that,
but may I remind you, I am a bit of a victim myself.
As just yesterday, I was punched in the face
by a man now dead.
Thank you.
Hello.
Mm? Ahem.
No, no, I haven't forgotten.
Yes, I'll try to get there tomorrow morning.
All right, goodbye... Mm.
That was Maris, wasn't it?
Where will you be tomorrow morning?
The jail. I said I'd try to visit her.
Have you lost your bloody mind?
I have tried to be patient, but this is too much.
You promised me that woman would be out of our lives.
Now she's calling every minute.
The papers report it as though you are still married.
And I can't even sleep in my own bed!
I know, but you can't blame me for everything that's happened.
The hell I can't.
If you hadn't snuck off to have lunch with her,
we never would've been dragged into this.
And you wouldn't be sleeping alone on the couch tonight.
But you did, and we were, so you are.
I hate that kind of cracker.
That was kind of harsh.
I'll say. These are imported from Belgium.
Poor thing. She's overtired and a little hormonal.
I'll go try to talk her into choosing to be calm.
All right.
- Boy, he's really holding up well. - A little too well.
I'm starting to fear he's not dealing with his emotions at all.
Right. That's the whole secret to holding up.
Dad, it's called repression, and it is not healthy.
The man is a walking pressure cooker.
It's his senior year all over again.
What are you talking about?
Oh, that's right. He swore me to secrecy.
Well...
Niles got mono, he missed four weeks of class, right?
So he was studying around the clock trying to catch up.
Just before finals, his girlfriend dumped him
for his roommate.
Niles insisted he was just fine right up until the very moment
when they found him in the all-night grocery sitting in the freezer bin
talking to a bag of frozen corn,
whispering, "Why so cold, my love?"
All calm.
Want me to help you make up the couch?
- No, no, I can manage. - Okay.
Well, I think I'll hit the rack too. Heh.
- Sherry, Niles? - Oh, how lovely. Thank you.
- To the balcony? - Mm.
After you.
Niles, while I admire your initial fortitude,
I can't help thinking you may have taken things to extremes.
As you know, it can be dangerous to repress one's emotions.
Ah, true, but there is no way of weathering a situation like this
without a certain degree of detachment.
Are you sure you're not too detached?
Oh, nonsense.
Everything's under control. Oh, look at that.
What in the hell?
Just a news chopper. Pay it no mind.
That doesn't bother you?
You get used to it.
Oh, for heaven's sake, get inside.
You should be ashamed of yourselves!
You know perfectly well I meant "exonerated"!
- Hello, Roz. - Hi, Niles.
A cappuccino, please. And one for him.
You don't look so good.
Oh, didn't get much sleep last night. Again, heh.
Well, I'm surprised you're here after yesterday.
I refuse to be cowed into changing my routine. Let me get this.
I have my coffee. I go to work.
Of course, all my patients wanna talk about is Maris.
Esteban's crazed brother left me a message
saying I owe him some sort of blood debt.
I tell you, some days it just doesn't pay to get off the sofa. Heh.
You've had it pretty rough.
What are my choices? I can go to pieces,
or I can bear up and live my normal life.
Can I get a straw, please?
Oh, sorry, sir, that was the last one.
I see.
The last straw.
Gosh, is it warm in here? It is.
It is. It's warm in here. Oh, suffocating. That's better.
- I'll get you a straw. Need a straw? - No, no, no, you heard her.
There are no more straws.
Oh, that feels so much better.
Oh, everything was just so tight before.
Yes.
Coffee shop without straws.
It makes no sense.
You can borrow my straw, see?
Oh, this is great.
I was being smothered. Oh, I can breathe.
I don't know how you stand it.
Hello, Frasier? It's me.
How close are you to the café?
All right, well, hurry up and park, because Niles is almost completely...
Niles is completely naked.
Oh, Niles.
- I'm calling the cops. - The hell you are.
This man's tips alone have probably paid for all the pot you'll ever smoke.
Just back off, cowboy. And that goes for the rest of you too.
- Hello, Niles. - Hey.
- What's going on? - Heat wave in Texas.
You know, Niles, maybe you should, uh,
- put some clothes on. - Ah, no.
No, no, too much. Too much on me.
Feeling very constricted.
I'm fine now. Don't touch me.
Niles.
Look at yourself.
Hello. Heh.
I think I'm having that dream where I'm naked in Nervosa.
I think a lot of people are having that dream.
- We have to go now, Niles. - Oh...
You're not getting in my car like that.
- Is he okay? - It's just a panic attack.
It's happened before,
but it's never been quite this close to butterfly-net territory.
May I have your apron, please? And yours?
All right, Niles.
I'm gonna wrap you up like a big green Christmas present.
You like Christmas, don't you?
- There we are. - Mm.
Okay, listen up.
Me and my friends are gonna back out of here,
nice and easy.
As far as any of you are concerned, this never happened.
And if any of you decide to be a hero and call the police,
trust me, I will find you.
Wow, Roz, that was persuasive.
Yeah, there's nothing worse than waking up naked
with a bunch of cops standing around.
I bet.
Well, there he is.
Rise and shine, lazybones.
Yes, I'm surprised it's so light out. I thought it would be dark by now.
Well, it was already. You've been asleep for 20 hours.
Oh, well, I guess I needed it.
- So how are you feeling? - Oh, much better.
Frasier, I'm so sorry I embarrassed you.
Niles, you didn't embarrass me one bit.
Well, maybe... Maybe just a little.
On our way to the car,
a breeze from a passing school bus turned your apron into a cape.
Hello.
It's Maris.
You don't have to take this.
No, I really should.
Hello, Maris.
Yes. Yes. Listen, there's something I wanna say to...
Yes, but...
Well, of course you're alone.
You're alone because you killed your boyfriend!
Now, I am on your side,
but there is a limit, because I have a wonderful pregnant wife.
And as far as my attention is concerned, she comes first, always.
I will help you through this,
but now you have to help me by saying goodbye.
No, no, no.
What do you have to say? Yes. Goodbye.
There's the Niles that's been missing in action.
Thanks for what you said about me,
though I haven't been completely wonderful.
No, you've been irritable, and you made me sleep on a couch.
That's the stuff. Doesn't it feel good to get it off your chest?
Oh, stuff it, Mr. Malaprop.
Family spokesman?
The Manson family should have a spokesman like you.
He's getting the hang of this, isn't he?
And you. I'd have been home from that jail an hour earlier
if you hadn't convinced your buddies
to let you squeeze off a few rounds into a dumpster.
You kept him waiting while I was at home worried sick?
I was doing him a favour, keeping him away from you and your hormones.
Oh, some favour.
Making me stay with Frasier. He made me do housework.
- I'd forgotten. - I did no such...
- You made her do housework? - A pregnant woman. That's pretty low.
Oh, fine, fine.
Turn your anger on me.
It's almost as if you'd forgotten that not three days ago,
I was punched in the face by a man now dead.
Thank you.
Now, who wants pancakes? Come.
- Sounds great. - Oh, I love pancakes.